


salty

by avxry



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Bickering, Coffee Shop, Its more focused on the prank than the feelings, M/M, Mild Language, Pining, Pranking, Salt, Unrequited Love, this isnt going to leave you satisfied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 09:00:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9714401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avxry/pseuds/avxry
Summary: Thomas raises an eyebrow. "Don't you get tired of being salty all the time?""Literally never."-Hamilton is, quite literally, saltier than usual.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this was based off an au prompt so blame tumblr

Thomas sits alone in the cute little café all by himself, with only the owner, James Madison, for company. He and James had quickly formed a friendship, and Thomas had decided to frequent the lounge - unfortunately, so had his alleged enemy, Alexander Hamilton.  _ Of course  _ Hamilton picks the one place that Thomas genuinely enjoys. 

 

Hamilton is - well, he's something else. Thomas hates him. Or, at least,  _ hated _ him, past tense. In another life, Thomas would despise him entirely for all of his days, but in  _ this _ life, Thomas is kind of in love with him. And it fucking sucks. 

 

Hamilton very obviously would love for Thomas to drop dead, so Thomas's crush is entirely hopeless. He has resined to his fate, at this point. He just wishes that he could have this one place,  _ just this one _ , that was free of Hamilton's distractions.

 

Thomas reclines on his favorite sofa, sipping his peppermint hot chocolate and scrolling through his phone, leaning over to James, relaxing in the chair adjacent to him, to show him memes every few minutes. 

 

And then Hamilton walks in. 

 

The man visibly bristles at the sight of Thomas sitting there, as if Thomas doesn't spend nearly all his time here. Thomas narrows his eyes habitually and tries to think of something witty to say. 

 

The only thing that comes to mind is literally,  _ Hamilton, why do you have to be so fucking cute? _ Obviously, he's not going go say this, so he clamps his mouth shut.

 

That is, until Hamilton says, “Jefferson. I see you've decided to contaminate this space a little early, today.” 

 

Thomas rolls his eyes and pretends to be engrossed on his phone. “Hamilton, your insults are stale, at best.” 

 

“Almost as stale as your stupid, out-dated political views.” 

 

Thomas doesn't deign to answer this. James rises from his chair and walks behind the counter with a barely-hidden exasperated sigh.

 

“What can I get for you, Hamilton?” James asks, trying to put forth his best customer service voice. His actual voice bleeds through. 

 

“The usual,” Hamilton declares, reaching into his pocket and digging around to find two dollar bills and some change. 

 

James prepares Hamilton's usual, black coffee with a shit-ton of sugar. Thomas shakes his head and tsks slowly.

 

“You’re gonna drop dead one of these days,” Thomas says, eyeing Hamilton in his peripheral vision. 

 

Hamilton turns and narrows his eyes. “You wish,” he shoots back. “If I died, that'd be letting you win.” 

 

Thomas scoffs and sips his hot chocolate. “Only you would think that.” 

 

Hamilton gives him his finest bitch-please face. “Like you haven't thought it, too.” 

 

Thomas admits, sure, he's had the thought in passing before, but not genuinely. Obviously, he doesn't want Hamilton to die. He quite likes Hamilton being alive. Ideally, they'd both be alive  _ together _ , but that's asking for too much. 

 

“I'm not that demented,” Thomas replies, going back to his phone.

 

Hamilton is about to throw out another retort, but James interrupts him, setting the coffee on the counter and telling Hamilton the total. Hamilton hands over exact change, dropping a dollar on the tip jar, and takes his coffee to the sofa directly across from Thomas's. 

 

James reclaims his seat beside Thomas's couch, and they delve into primarily silence. Hamilton is typing away on his phone, no doubt writing something absolutely ridiculous, as usual. Thomas tries to not stare at how unfairly adorable the man looks, his eyes trained on his phone with determination, his tongue poking out every few minutes, his feet curled up beneath him (he's never been able to sit like a normal human being). 

 

“Stop staring at me,” Hamilton mutters, pausing neither his typing nor his focused gaze.

 

Thomas raises an eyebrow. “Don't you get tired of being salty all the time?” 

 

“Literally never.” 

 

Thomas rolls his eyes and returns to his phone, hiding the light blush dusting his cheeks. 

 

Hamilton is one of those people who can only sit still for a few minutes at once, so it's only a matter of time before he's bouncing around on the balls of his feet, pacing through the shop. After a while, he heads to the bathroom, nose still buried in his phone screen.

 

When James and Thomas are left alone, James raises his signature eyebrow over at Thomas slyly.

 

“Could you be any more obvious?” he asks humorously. 

 

Thomas flushes again and glares over at James. “You're not helping.” 

 

“And also, while I'm critiquing you,” James says, shifting to face Thomas even more, “‘salty’? Really?” 

 

“Shut up,” Thomas groans, setting his coffee down. “He  _ is _ salty. It's his defining character trait.” 

 

“You got me there.” 

 

James chuckles as Thomas keeps thinking about Hamilton, as usual. And then, out of the corner of his eye, he sees the cute little salt shaker on the coffee table in the center of the shop. 

 

He grins as the idea slithers into his head.

 

“James,” he says, prompting the other man to look over again. “James, I’m gonna dump that entire salt shaker in his coffee.” 

 

James squints at him. “Thomas, you have a lot of dumb ideas.”

 

“I do.”

 

“This is one of them.”

 

“Probably.”

 

“Do it.”

 

Thomas whips his head around to face James with an incredulous expression. “What?” 

 

“Do it,” James repeats, his face blank. “Hurry, he'll be back soon.” 

 

Thomas stares at James in disbelief for a moment before jumping into action. He lunges forward, takes the salt shaker, twists off the cap, and pours every last grain into the dark liquid. 

 

He returns the salt shaker to its spot and slides back into his seat just as Hamilton returns from the bathroom. Thomas watches as Hamilton drops onto the sofa with a soft  _ thump. _

 

Thomas and James watch excitedly as Hamilton reaches for his coffee. He takes a huge gulp, and instead of the screech that the two had expected, Hamilton simply squints at the coffee oddly before setting it back down and going back to his phone.

 

Thomas's eyes go wide. He shares a look with James. Now, James isn't one to show his emotions on his face, but right now, his eyes are nearly popping out of his head. 

 

This is ridiculous. That was an  _ entire salt shaker  _ that Thomas  _ dumped into his coffee _ and Hamilton just  _ fucking drank it _ . What the  _ fucking fuck. _

 

Thomas and James don't have time to wonder what the  _ hell _ is wrong with Hamilton before the man is cursing, “ _ Shit _ , I'm late!”

 

Hamilton jumps up from the sofa, shoves his phone in his pocket, and grabs his coffee.

 

James and Thomas watch in horrified awe as Hamilton chugs the remainder of his drink, salt and all.  _ He doesn't even notice, what the fuck _ . 

 

Hamilton rushes out of the shop in a blur, racing down the street, leaving Thomas and James floundering in his wake.

 

Thomas is the first to speak. “He just . . .” 

 

“Drank . . .”

 

“Salt. He drank salt.”

 

The two share a look, not sure how to react. Then they just burst out laughing, because of course, if anyone were to be able consume that much salt in one sitting with no trouble, it would be Hamilton. 

 

Thomas shakes his head through his laughter. “That was the most badass thing I've ever seen.”

 

“I just . . . don't . . .” James nearly snorts, cackling to himself. 

 

“I think . . . I think I just fell a little in love with him.” 

 

“A little more, you mean.”

  
“Shut up.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is ridiculous but I just wanted to write something quick and simple so this fic was born, I hope it's kinda cute
> 
> hope you enjoyed, thank you for reading!!!


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